About Violence

Dear Arch-Mates,

Violence is never right. I don’t believe in violence. Whatever reason lies behind it, violence should have never been done. Especially to anyone we said we love.

So, whenever one happens, it feels right to automatically blame the perpetrator. To point. To accuse. To judge. To curse. To punish.

However, it is still imperative for us to know the reason. No. Not to prove that his or her act of laying a hand on someone else is right. No such thing should happen–as I told you already, I shall still find violence wrong. So, why the reason? The reason is needed to see the process. To have a description of the event. To answer the “Why?”

In more than one cases, violence was not done solo. The victim was not always a mere victim. For some cases, the so-called victim might have asked for the violence itself.

Okay. I know it came out wrong. It sounded wrong. That sounded like an excuse that is usually used by the perpetrators to justify his or her action. No, I did not mean it that way. I did not mean to victimize the victim even further.

It’s just that I have heard, more than once–and sometimes even from the victims’ mouths themselves–that they asked for it. When they argue with their spouse or partner or a mere girlfriend/boyfriend, they provoke the violence. Calling the other party a sissy. A crybaby. A whiner. Challenging the person to hit them if he (or she) dares. Even making the initial hit no matter how painless it is. Then, after a slap in the face, or a punch, or a kick, or a strangle… They shut their mouth up, shed some tears together, say apologies, share a kiss, then make up–as if nothing happened. But, then again, when another issue rises up, the pattern repeats itself.

Stupid? Yes. I believe so. But, it happens. Timeless times to countless people. The relationships they have just move in circle–the circle of violence. Not trust–as it is supposed to be.

Does this make the perpetrators innocent? Heck, no! They should not do violence, no matter what. They have their options. They could opt out of the fight. They could walk out of the relationship. Or at least stay away until both party can calm themselves down. Or go to the gym and hit a punching bag instead. Not easy. I know. But, they have the options nonetheless.

However, it also proves that the victim is not as innocent as many people have thought. So, calling cops to take the perpetrator into custody will not solve the problem completely. Intervention and treatment should be made for both parties to reach a truce. To enable them of having a healthier relationships–with or without the former lover.

The bottom line is, don’t ever stay in a relationship when you feel like you need to batter or being battered by other people. If you cannot have love without violence, then the so-called love is not worth having. It’s hard, but it’s best–for both of you–to walk away in that condition. Trust me. Been there, done that–thank God I did not get a T-shirt for it.

Thanks for taking some of your precious time to read this, Arch-Mates.




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